by Cecilia » Tue May 18, 2010 8:10 pm
Oh, man, I hear you. Please don't be so hard on yourself!!! We do what we can with the knowledge we have in the moment, and it's not always the best knowledge, but we (or most of us) aren't born with the ability to see the future. Frontline isn't cheap, you got her the good stuff because you were taking care of her, right????? The rest is an accident. And yes, ignorance is an accident, especially when you mean well and want the best for them.
I've used Frontline numerous times on my two cats. My Belle cat died of kidney failure but I'd like to think that it wasn't the frontline, as she was 16 at the time and I started using it at least 10 years ago.
My Simba cat right now has skin cancer. He didn't come with a warning that said "Jersey cats must be protected from California sun" or anything saying "White cats will get skin cancer from sitting in windows." So for the first 10 years of his life (he's 15 now), he bathed himself in sun, the first 5 in Jersey sun, but then later in California sun, where he clearly got damaged. I am blaming myself all ways around and back and more, two serious operations (one to remove his ear and the 2nd an ear ablasion--not cheap by a long shot!), tons of medication, and this morning we woke up and he can no longer close his left eye, the tumor is back and is causing aphasia to the left side of his face, at least the tumor isn't itchy anymore. I took him to the dr this morning thinking he probably won't come home, dr says 2-6 weeks (but I doubt that long), I am in a panic and can't stop crying for blaming myself and the thought of losing my best buddy because I was so dumb. Silly cat doesn't even know he's sick, he just knows it's harder to find the top of the step stool.
But I know I have to stop crying, these kitties have had the best lives, yours too, you loved her and she loved you. Accidents happen. Feel bad, but then let it go, promising not to repeat it, that's the best we can do, promise to make the future better.
He is sleeping next to me now, half on me half off, with a silly smile on his face and his head upside down, he is happy because he's with me while he can be. I'm glad he's still here today, even though I know he has to go soon.